It’s Okay to Not Be Sorry By Jade Acosta

Lately I’ve realized how often I say unnecessary apologies in my day to day life. Of course there are appropriate and well intended times to say sorry, but the word has become overused and there are negative repercussions that come along with it. As a woman, especially, I feel as though we tend to apologize over the smallest things that don’t necessarily need an apology. Over apologizing is often rooted on the thought that you are causing an inconvenience or disruption to others. But why censor ourselves? Our words ARE valid and deserve to be heard whether they cause a disruption or not.

Growing up in a world full of socially constructed gender stereotypes and expectations, women are often expected to have gentle, polite, and ladylike personalities. I was a pretty soft-spoken growing up and always “went with the flow” of things to avoid any sort of conflict, even if I disagreed. I didn’t want my words to annoy those who didn’t agree. I wanted my words to agree with the general consensus and seem “likable".

Now I look back and wish I could squeeze the words out of me during those times when I wanted to raise my hand in class or share my opinion when having a discussion with someone. Own your words, Jade! They are YOUR words, that come from YOUR thoughts, and said in YOUR voice. That’s what makes your words so exceptional.

Throwing around casual sorry’s only devalues the word and no longer makes genuine apologies as meaningful. Over-apologizing can make you appear guilty when there is no need to be. I know sorry’s are well intended but I think it is important to think of alternative responses that are just as, if not more, effective. For example, if your friend gives you a ride to the airport, instead of saying “I’m so sorry to be such a burden”, tell them “thank you so much for the ride, it is so generous of you”. It reflects your genuine gratitude and appreciation towards them rather than using language that shrinks you and makes you appear less worthy than you are.

All I’m saying is over apologizing sometimes creates needless guilt and undermines confidence. Try to stop worrying about being agreeable and be honest with yourself and others. It’s okay to not always agree with each other and not always please each other. You shouldn’t feel the need to apologize like you’ve done something wrong. No one needs to take any blame. Next time you feel as though you are over apologizing, ask yourself if you actually did do something wrong and if not, do you want to present yourself as if you did?